I interpret this video as a visualization of how a break up feels. Don't try this at home.
I re-enacted the video this morning during a breakup this morning (with some weeds, in the garden). I used a semi-automatic (trowel) and wore my best leather (gloves). Yeah. I'm a bad mother-fucker. Watch out or I'll bury (and compost) your ass!
G sometimes tires of people in general. I know this because she'll yell at them from within the car, even if the windows are closed and there isn't any way they could possibly hear the reasons they are bad and why they should will themselves out of existance. I'm not talking suicide, just *poof* you're there one moment, you're gone the next. Unfortunately it frequently sounds more like she is yelling at me even though I am sitting quietly and tired from a long week. It is no wonder I had a dream last night that we had decided to move to a house in the forest, not another person or house in sight. Deer came to greet us at the windows. I could see the benefits but even in my dream I knew I would miss our old house, and even some sense of being part of a community in some way. Mostly I was lamenting that the "new" house was actually in need of a lot of work and investment. Ceilings coated with wallpaper that disintegrated at the touch. Plaster help up by tape. I knew it had to be a dream though because the smell was of mold and old people. G would never have accepted those smells. And yet perhaps it was not a dream about moving at all.
Perhaps it was just us, getting older. Stiffer and less patient with a touch of grey.
That was all I had to say
And it's all right
I will get by
I will survive
We will get by
We will survive
A friend, who I am sure must be reading this blog, suggested this song yesterday, which happened to be Sunday afternoon, saying "if you're seeping in some agony". I may not be in agony but my current dilemma is not fun.
One of my favorite quotations from the Harry Potter books is "Dark and difficult times lie ahead. Soon we must all face the choice between what is right and what is easy." - Albus Dumbledore in "Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire"
I know I am part to blame for the circumstances that have unfolded. I have allowed others to make the "easy" choice. I have tried correcting the course, and failed. I do have choices at this time, though many of them suck. The best ones take a lot of time and preparation. The easiest ones destroy my reputation, the people around me, and leave a path of destruction, so to speak. My issue at hand is far from life and death, but still the quotation applies. What is easy is not what is right for me or for others. Others have failed me, and they will have to face the consequences. For now I must be strong enough to take over where they have fallen and to stay on the high road.
One of my brothers use to listen to The Steve Miller Band. We had a stereo and a pool table in the same room, so images of learning to shoot pool come up when I hear this nostalgic tune. This song also conjures images of running around the pool table to try to get away from my angry older brother. It was during those times I learned there is a time to bite your tongue. Not every sarcastic remark should be expressed, at least not until you have a pool table between you and your older sibling, and regardless be ready to run! Yup growing up was a bit of a jungle. G compares my youth to Lord of the Flies. Ah the good old days!
I was reminded of The Steve Miller Band when I asked a coworker about music she liked. She said she cannot recognize songs on the radio. When her husband would make her guess the band, she would usually just guess "The Steve Miller Band". I put on some of The Steve Miller Band songs on my crappy work computer speakers and asked her which band. She didn't know. Too funny!
Awesome? Or totally awesome? Those are your only choices.
I was out at a pool hall last night and this song (as well as many many others) came on the Sirius radio piped in. How many chicks have been turned on by this song? It just seems unlikely. Guys on the other hand…
